Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
