Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
