Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
