Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
