just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
