I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize