Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
