Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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