Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
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