News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
In America we eat man semen.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
