I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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