I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
