You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Fuck appropriateness.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize