there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
