Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
