There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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