i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
