i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize