Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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