i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
