and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i out mim tonsoeep
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