my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
