I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
