Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
