I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
