The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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