Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize