So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
