No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
