I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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