Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
