I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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