I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
