Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize