You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
