Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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