I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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