I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize