Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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