no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
