If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
