she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
