Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
