absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
