it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
