how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
