is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize