I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize