Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
