I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
