When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
