This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
so much tequila, so little girl.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
