how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
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