i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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