the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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