I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
