Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
