I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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