you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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