Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
