yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
