Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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