well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
