3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
