Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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