I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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