we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
