I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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