Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
