1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
