My sheets look like a crime scene.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Boobs are out for the taking
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
