I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
