I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
