i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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